Like thousands of others, you likely found this article while in distress. Like so many people in marriages worldwide, you feel the relationship dwindling away.
The once romantic bliss was replaced by colossal, abject distance. The fork is nearly in, but you’re here, hoping for a last-ditch effort to research an open relationship. You probably feel a little uneasy, almost perverted.
To begin, you should know one thing: You’re trying. You’re trying to save your marriage and leaving no stone unturned. That’s courageous on your part.
You’re hardly the first spouse/partner to research the benefits of open relationship dating. You won’t be the last.
So let’s get into things.
Do open relationships work?
Some do, and some do not.
Oddly, if you ask someone if open relationships work, they’ll almost certainly answer with a passionate, hardline response.
“No, open relationships don’t work.”
“Yep, open relationships save marriages.”
This bizarre disparity is rooted in a couple of things:
1) Everyone’s an expert at everything, so moderate positions are few and far between.
2) Even though most people haven’t tried an open relationship, they use their perception of an open relationship to deduce a strong opinion.
Let’s go with scenario 2.
If someone watches many racy movies, they may think the open relationship or swinger lifestyle is one way.
However, another person may have met a few swingers on a cruise and liked them, so they feel another way. Our experiences shape our vibes; it’s as simple as that.
Here’s a big tip – the swinger community reflects the reality of the cruise ship perspective and much less the edgy content viewer’s perspective. Because swinging and open relationships involve alternative romantic and physical relationships, many people assume it’s strictly a hardcore, fantasy experience. But the swinger community is ripe with real, authentic people who love to connect with others in various healthy ways.
A 2019 University of Rochester study that compared monogamous and consensual nonmonogamous relationships found that “People in the consensual nonmonogamous group (CNM) were in fairly long-term relationships (and had the highest proportion among all five groups of people living with their partner, followed closely by the monogamous group with minimal recent sex outside their relationship).”
An open relationship isn’t for every person or couple. An open relationship is for couples who share a desire to liven up a relationship. A couple who tries an open relationship typically communicates heavily regarding the boundaries of that relationship.
People find the swinger community under various scenarios. One frequent scenario is, as the title suggests, a marriage or relationship on the rocks. But that’s not the only reason couples turn to open relationships. Some people generally find disdain for “accepted cultural standards,” particularly in a marriage ecosystem that everyone agrees is antiquated and failing. Almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. When you digest that stat, its not difficult to begin a mental journey that entertains other type of relationship builds.
For example, some people may date in monogomy but refuse marriage. So, in a sense, objecting to the concept of marriage is, in fact, an alternative view on relationships.
An open relationship stimulates deep, passionate communication because a proper open relationship entails solid communication. Most marriages fail because couples don’t want to discuss their sex lives. In an open relationship or in a swinger lifestyle, you must discuss your sex lives. You must understand what each person enjoys or disdains, it’s the prerequisite of swinging. This requires each of you to share intimate, personal details. Even if you never agreed to experiment from swinging, the theraputic value found in open relationship discovery might along propel your relationship into an improved place.
An open relationship isn’t a cure-all.
Signing on with your partner to experiment in a swinger community or on a swinger dating website doesn’t alone compel success. Like any relationship type, the work needs be done by both, or all (if we are talking throuples), partners. If all partners aren’t doing the work, the open relationship (or any relationship) probably fails.
If you and yours aren’t willing to do the work, an open relationship won’t save you.
Opening up a dialogue with your partner gently is an excellent first step. Don’t rush in the door and blindside your partner. Instead, be less provocative and more sensitive. Display a desire to evolve, or save, the relationship.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.