Without question, trust is the centerpiece and cornerstone of a swinger relationship. Swinger relationships clearly have unique dynamics that challenge couples who desire a less restricted relationship. And although many swingers initially feel as though they are above and beyond trust issues, they almost always find out they aren’t. That’s because jealousy is a normal, primal emotion that can cloud any relationship style. Equally, swinger relationships have boundaries and rules, so someone is always going to worry that someone else isn’t living up to the standard. This is particularly true when there’s a wide variety of temptation as we find in the exploration of the swinger lifestyle.
So It Begins: Your First Swinger Days
When you first begin swinging, you may become clouded by all the initial freedom and excitement.
Its easy to get caught up in the haze of “life will be amazing forever” fog.
In reality, a swinger lifestyle most certainly can upgrade your dating, married, and overall life; but it isn’t a panacea. If you or yours were a jealous person prior to the onset of your swinger lifestyle, this won’t change. If you are someone who doesn’t understand how to convey trust, this won’t change, either.
Building trust is important in all relationships. You need to trust your boss, your co-workers, even the online store that says you’re deliver will make it before Christmas. Trust is everything. This includes swinger relationships.
Let’s break down how we build trust in a swinger relationship.
Communication: The Foundation of Trust
There’s little question that communication is the strongest predictor of a trusting relationship. If communication is poor, its a certainty that your relationship will be rocky.
Open, honest, and ongoing communication between partners is a must. Here’s a list of essential communication strategies that will surely ramp up your trust.
- Active Listening: Engage in active listening by giving your full attention, acknowledging your partner’s feelings, and refraining from interrupting. This helps create a safe space for open expression.
- Use “I” Statements: Communicate your feelings and needs using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel…” or “I need…”) instead of “you” statements, which can sound accusatory and provoke defensiveness.
- Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins to discuss how you’re both feeling about the relationship. This can include discussing experiences, expectations, and any concerns, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued.
- Non-Verbal Cues: Pay attention to non-verbal cues like body language and tone of voice. These often convey more than words and can help in understanding your partner’s true feelings.
- Respectful Disagreement: Learn to disagree respectfully. Avoid dismissive language or behaviors and instead, validate your partner’s perspective, even when you have differing views. This fosters a respectful and trusting communication environment.
Listen, none of that is easy. If it sounds easy, you’re probably not truly considering it. If it sounds difficult, you’re off to a great start in building a trusting swinger relationship. That’s because communication is work. If you’re not working towards trust, you’re working against it.
Respect of Boundaries
In swinger relationships, agreed upon boundaries are essential in a thriving, compassionate partnership. If you don’t have boundaries, even as swingers, you’ll likely fail at some point.
So first things first, set boundaries.
What can and can’t your partners do physically and mentally with outside swinger partners? Establish that first. Leave no stone unturned. If you only focus on the physical, you might end up upset when you learn your partner has been sexting a prior hook up for months, maybe years. Is that OK? Define these things.
Collaboratively set boundaries and define the importance of consistency respecting these boundaries.
And don’t simply set boundaries and forget about them. Those boundaries may get blurry to all partners if they aren’t rehashed. Its important to consistently speak about these boundaries so all partners remain on the same page.
In swinger lifestyle relationships, partners appreciate boundaries. It gives them guidance and comfort. We say this so you understand that speaking to swinger boundaries isn’t like nagging someone to clean their room. It’s injecting the relationship with a foundation of consistency.
Balance Personal Comfort with Partner Exploration
Alas, one of the most difficult, trying parts in all of this. When establishing boundaries, you must find a balance between your personal comfort levels and allowing your partner space for exploration. And that’s not easy. But it is essential.
This is less about understanding your partner and more about understanding yourself. You’ll need to explore YOU. You’ll need to write out all the things that are hard nos, maybes, and absolutely yes’s. The maybes are the list you’ll need to focus on. Can you live with some of them for the long term? How many of them are OK?
You should also convey to your partner which of your proposed boundaries are on the “maybe” or “uneasy” list.
The Role of Transparency in Building Trust
Transparency in actions and intentions are a vital part of the swinger relationship. You and your partner(s) must maintain transparency, especially in any situation involving an outside partner. Here’s some helpful tips:
- Full Disclosure of Intentions and Activities: Consistently communicate about your intentions, activities, and experiences with other partners. Full disclosure helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that both partners are on the same page.
- Honesty in Emotional and Physical Connections: Be open about the nature of your connections with others, whether they are emotional, physical, or both. This honesty is crucial for maintaining trust and ensuring that both partners feel secure in the relationship.
- Regular Relationship Check-Ins: Schedule frequent check-ins to discuss your experiences and feelings regarding the relationship and activities with other partners. This ongoing dialogue promotes transparency and provides an opportunity to address any concerns or adjust boundaries as needed.
Handling Jealousy and Insecurity Constructively
You’ve done all of the above. That’s great. But that doesn’t mean provocatively emotional moments won’t arise. Its the nature of the swinger lifestyle to have some emotionally charged interactions. And most of those will involve jealousy and insecurity.
When feelings of jealousy and insecurity arise, you’ll all need to understand how to navigate them so you can not only move on, but evolve the relationship.
If you’ve worked to build communication throughout your journey, this is a good thing; because you’ll want to lean on that foundation of communication to work through the issue. The only way to heal issues involving jealousy and insecurity is through communication.
Conclusion
Communication is a deeply rooted part of a swinger lifestyle success story. Learning transparency, setting boundaries, and exploring your inner needs are also important. Becoming swingers doesn’t mean all jealousy issues go away, you’ll still navigate these issues. But so long as you understand our above points, you’ll be better prepared for when they do arise.