Getting into anything new, hobbies, vocations, you name it, can be stressful when you don’t understand the lingo. The swinger lifestyle is no different. Over decades, swinging has evolved and through that, it’s developed its own swinger terminologies.
When you don’t know terms, whether its online or in person, you can feel left out and lost. We don’t want that happening given that the swinger and open relationship lifestyle is all about inclusion. I mean, that’s the point, folks.
Here’s a comprehensive list of swinger and open relationship terms that will help you acclimate much faster into your new lifestyle.
The Basics
These are the absolute highest level terms. They cover the broad concepts and overarching definitions that newcomers will encounter.
You’ll be familiar with a lot of this, but its still good to make sure you understand the very top level lingo you’re likely to hear at London’s swinger clubs or on swinger dating sites.
Swinger: A person or couple who engages in consensual sexual activities with others outside their primary relationship with the knowledge and consent of their partner. This is the term you likely already understand, but its a great starting starting point.
Open Relationship: A relationship where partners agree that they may have sexual or romantic relationships with other people. In a way, we’d categorize swingers under the open relationship hierarchy.
Polyamory: The practice of having multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously. Once again, this is a high level term that could encompass other types of modern dating alignments.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM): An umbrella term for any relationship that is consensually non-monogamous, including swinging, polyamory, and open relationships.
Lifestyle: A term often used within the swinging community to refer to the swinging and open relationship culture and activities.
Scene: Often used to describe the swinging community or lifestyle in general. For example, “We’re part of the scene.” The London swinger scene, as an example.
Social and Relationship Terms
These terms describe various relationship structures and roles and dynamics that are common in swinger lifestyle relationships. Getting to know these terms can help you better understand the relationship dynamics of others you meet.
Primary Partner: The main partner in an open or polyamorous relationship, often involving a deeper emotional connection.
Secondary Partner: A partner who has a less central role in someone’s life than the primary partner, often in polyamorous relationships.
Unicorn: A single woman who is willing to join an established couple for a threesome or other sexual activities.
Triad: A three-person relationship where all members are romantically or sexually involved with each other.
Quad: A four-person relationship where all members may or may not be romantically or sexually involved with each other.
Metamour: A partner’s other partner, with whom one is not directly involved.
Veto Power: An agreement that allows one partner to reject or end another partner’s outside relationship.
Greedy Girl: A term used to describe a woman who enjoys group sex, often with multiple men.
Single Male: A man who is single and participates in the swinging community, often referred to as a “single guy” or “single bloke.”
Swinger Activities, Events
Think of these terms as relating to parties and other encounters that swingers and open relationships may participate in, particularly off-line.
Soft Swap: Engaging in sexual activities with others but not full intercourse.
Full Swap: Engaging in full sexual intercourse with someone other than your primary partner.
Play Party: A social gathering where consensual sexual activities occur, often with multiple participants.
Meet and Greet: A social event where swingers meet to socialize and see if there is mutual attraction or interest.
Club: A venue specifically for swingers to meet and engage in sexual activities.
Hotwife: A married woman who has sexual relationships with other men with the consent of her husband, often with the husband deriving pleasure from it.
Cuckold: A man who enjoys seeing his partner engage in sexual activities with others, often with an element of humiliation.
Compersion: The feeling of joy one gets from seeing their partner happy in another relationship or sexual encounter.
Hall Pass: Permission granted by one partner to the other to have a sexual encounter outside their relationship, often as a one-time event.
Dogging: Engaging in or watching sexual activities in semi-public or public places, such as car parks.
Kink Night: An event often held at swinging clubs that focuses on BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) and other kink activities.
Munch: A casual social gathering, usually in a pub or café, where people interested in BDSM or swinging can meet and chat in a non-sexual environment.
Social: An event where swingers meet to socialize and build connections, often held in a non-sexual setting like a bar or pub.
Swinger Dating Sites, Online
These are swinger and open relationship terms you’re likely to encounter in your online adventures.
Safe Call: A check-in call to ensure safety, often used when meeting someone new from the lifestyle for the first time.
Boundaries: Agreed-upon limits within the relationship about what activities are acceptable.
Consent: Mutual agreement and willingness to participate in sexual activities, a fundamental aspect of ethical non-monogamy.
Negotiation: Discussing and agreeing on the terms and boundaries of sexual activities with others.
Aftercare: Emotional and physical care provided to someone after a sexual encounter to ensure they feel safe and respected.
Verification: A process on swinger websites where members can confirm they have met another member in person, often used to build trust and credibility within the community.
Group Fun: A popular UK-based swinger website where people can create profiles, chat, and arrange meetups.
Tips for Beginners
Knowing swinger lingo certainly helps alleviate stress and miscommunications which can hinder experiences both on and offline. But there are other more imperative concepts you should consider before delving into the UK swinger community, or any swinger community.
The primary concept is communication. Communication isn’t always central to traditional relationships so many people struggle with it when the arrive in the swinger lifestyle. But its central to your relationship success.
Setting boundaries and clearly defining what you and your partner(s) are comfortable with is another huge part in all of this. Obviously, you can’t do this if you don’t achieve the original tip to get your communication down.
Do your research. The swinger lifestyle is hardly a panacea for all your past relationship struggles. Learn what you’re getting into, gain insights, read our swinger lifestyle blog.
ALWAYS RESPECT CONSENT. Its your job to ensure that all parties are comfortable and consenting to any activities you pursue.
And lastly, consider safe sex. And have a safe call system in place for meeting new people.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.