We’ve all heard the modern dating buzzword, “ghosting.” Some of us have even had the displeasure of experiencing it firsthand. Many might assume that ghosting is rare within the swinger lifestyle, but nothing could be further from the truth. Ghosting persists, regardless of whether the relationship is platonic, romantic, or purely physical.
In a community built on trust, openness, and mutual respect, ghosting can feel particularly insulting and confusing.
In today’s blog, we explore why swingers might ghost, the impact this behaviour has on relationships, and how to navigate these situations with grace.
Understanding Ghosting in the Swinger Lifestyle Community
Ghosting occurs when someone abruptly and without explanation disappears from a relationship, cutting off all communication. When you try to reach out, they simply don’t respond. It’s as though they’ve vanished, leaving you in a state of confusion and uncertainty.
Swinging, by its nature, involves more complex dynamics than traditional relationships. It often includes multiple partners, each with varying degrees of emotional connection and expectations. One might assume that in a community where trust and openness are paramount, ghosting wouldn’t be an issue. However, this isn’t the case.
Furthermore, some may believe that swingers are less concerned when ghosting happens with non-primary partners, assuming these relationships are less significant. But this too is a misconception.
The reality is that ghosting remains a prevalent and frustrating issue within the swinger community.
The reasons for ghosting in this context can be quite varied. At times, it may arise from discomfort or insecurity that a person feels but is either unable or unwilling to communicate.
In other cases, more specific to the swinger lifestyle, individuals may struggle to manage their networks of partners effectively. They might become overwhelmed, forgetful, or lose track of the importance of maintaining appropriate communication.
There’s also the common fear of confrontation that can accompany ending any sort of relationship. For some, the discomfort of breaking off a relationship, no matter the type, leads them to avoid the situation altogether.
Additionally, the swinger lifestyle involves navigating a broad spectrum of emotions. These emotions can sometimes lead individuals to move on quickly, preferring to leave things behind rather than face the complexities of a difficult conversation.
The bigger issue with ghosting in the swinger community is that it isn’t just about disappearing; it also signifies a breakdown in the very principles that the swinger lifestyle promotes. Trust, communication, and mutual respect are at the core of these relationships, and ghosting undermines these values.
Ghosting can leave people feeling terrible, questioning their self-worth, and dealing with heightened insecurities.
However, by understanding the underlying causes of ghosting, those who feel slighted may find it easier to come to terms with the situation and feel better about moving forward.
Why Do Swingers Ghost?
Discomfort or Insecurity
One of the primary reasons that swingers ghost is due to feelings of discomfort and insecurity.
Just because someone projects outward confidence doesn’t mean they genuinely feel secure. They may harbour insecurities about their place in the relationship or even experience jealousy towards your primary partner.
Additionally, they might grow increasingly anxious about participating in the swinger community, fearing that friends or family could discover their involvement. Rather than confront these unsettling emotions, they choose to flee.
Poor Relationship Management
Swinging often involves juggling multiple relationships, each with diverse expectations and emotional connections. The logistical demands of maintaining these connections can sometimes cause things to go off the rails.
In such cases, ghosting can result from poor time management. Once the ghoster realises they’ve been out of touch for too long, they may feel it’s too late to reach out and reconnect.
Fear of Confrontation
Although we list this as the third reason, it could easily be the most significant factor behind ghosting.
People who are uncomfortable with confrontation may choose to avoid it altogether. It’s important to understand that this may not be their intention initially, but they might keep delaying the conversation about wanting to move on until it feels too late to reconnect. They spend so much time worrying about negative reactions and how to avoid them that weeks, even months, can pass. If someone feels that their reasons for wanting to end a relationship won’t be understood or accepted, they might vanish rather than face the potential backlash.
Can Swingers Reconnect After Ghosting?
Reconnecting after a ghosting event can happen in all types of relationships. However, it’s important to recognise that someone who ghosts once is likely to do so again. If you do reconnect with a ghoster and the ghosting bothered you, it’s crucial to have an honest and in-depth conversation with them to understand the root cause of their behaviour. If you’re unable to have this conversation, it might be wise to avoid rekindling the relationship altogether.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.