One of the trickiest parts of getting into swinging isn’t meeting people; it’s the lingo.
Seriously.
The terms, the slang, the way people talk in clubs or on apps… it can feel like another language. This is particularly true (and frustrating) when your on tour from the US.
And if you don’t get it, you might feel out of place.
Not knowing what something means can knock your confidence. You start to wonder if you’re coming across as too inexperienced. Worse still, you might misread a situation – whether you’re chatting in a London club or scrolling through profiles on our UK swinger’s app. So let’s break it down.
Here’s a simple glossary of common swinger terms you’ll hear around the UK scene.
Common Swinger Terms You’ll Hear in the UK
Soft Swap
This means couples who are up for most things but not full sex with others. It might include kissing, touching or oral. A lot of new folks start here.
Full Swap
This is when couples are open to full sex with other people. It’s often what people imagine when they think of the classic swinging setup.
Same Room
Everyone plays in the same room. You might be involved or just watching. It’s popular with couples who like staying close during meets.
Separate Room
Couples go off into different rooms. It’s more private and suits people who prefer space. Not everyone’s into it, so best to ask first.
Unicorn
A single woman who joins a couple. The term comes from how rare they can be. Treat them with respect, not like a prize.
Bull
A single man who joins a couple, usually where the woman wants more male attention. Some people use this term often, others don’t like it, so always check the vibe.
Hotwife
A woman who sees other people with her partner’s full support. Sometimes it’s part of a cuckold or stag and vixen setup, but not always.
Vanilla
This means someone who isn’t into swinging or any kind of open relationship. Basically, someone who sticks to traditional dating or monogamy.
Lifestyle
A polite way of talking about swinging without spelling it out. You’ll hear people say “We’re in the lifestyle” or “Are you lifestyle?” It’s a soft way to ask if someone’s part of the scene.
Club Night
An event at a swinger club. Some nights are open to everyone, others are invite-only or themed. Always check the dress code and house rules before you go.
Play
Used to describe any sexual activity. You might hear someone say “We’re just here to watch, not play,” or “We only play with couples.” It keeps the chat simple and clear.
Bi-Curious / Bi-Comfortable
Often used by women to say they’re open to exploring with other women, even if they don’t label themselves as bisexual. Some clubs and events are more welcoming to this than others.
Stag and Vixen
A dynamic where the man (stag) enjoys watching or knowing that his partner (vixen) is seeing other people. Different to cuckolding, which has more of a submissive edge to it.
No Pressure
This is a big one. It means everyone agrees there’s no obligation to do anything. You can chat, flirt, or just observe – and no one should make you feel bad for saying no.
Final Notes
Swinger terms can feel confusing at first, but once you get the hang of them, it all gets easier. Knowing the lingo helps you feel more confident, whether you’re chatting online, going to a club night, or just figuring out what you like.
You don’t need to memorise every word. Just be open, ask questions if you’re unsure, and stay respectful. Most people in the scene are happy to explain — they were new once too.
Want to see how the terms come to life in real settings? Check out our guide to swinging in the city for a closer look at London’s diverse dating scene.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.