For some, the mere mention of “solo polyamory” arises notions of “perpetually single.” However, that’s far from the case. In fact, solo polyamory isn’t as much an avoidance of commitment as it is respect for individual autonomy. Many other people may be reading about solo polyamory for the first time. But this doesn’t mean you aren’t partaking in a solo polyamory style relationship, or that you don’t intend to.
In this piece, we will delve deep into the world of solo polyamory, exploring its benefits, misconceptions and challenges.
Solo Polyamory: Its Philosophy
At the epicenter of a solo polyamory experience are persons valuing autonomy and self-agency. Those feel like big concepts and you probably catch some selfish vibes. So let’s stop there for a moment.
In our society, we commonly associate self-care, or any act that benefits us solely, as a selfish act. When in reality, we all need to do things that make us feel better and grow our spirit and evolve us as people. Sometimes, that means helping others. But our relationship models shouldn’t be built without our own needs in mind, or they’ll fail.
Instead, let’s view solo polyamory as an approach to love as opposed to a relationship style. Seeing it as a relationship style is where the negative vibes fly. Instead, solo polyamory is a relationship style that supports connection while challenging societal norms.
And isn’t challenging societal norms the whole thing with swinger relationships?
Let’s explore the big ticket items:
Autonomy As Priority
Central to solo polyamory is the idea that all individuals in the relationship maintain their personal autonomy. This isn’t the same as a lack of commitment. Solo polyamorist prioritize personal growth and freedom. That’s all. Their relationships are built with these tenants in mind.
A Rejection of Relationship Hierarchies
Many relationships lend partners statuses. For example, one relationship may be prioritized as the main relationship while the others are sub-relationships.
In a solo polyamorist relationship, both / all persons are equal parts of the relationship. Each relationship is valued for what it brings to one’s life.
Rejection of Relationship Course
Relationships must grow and evolve, right? There’s an accepted set course for most relationship styles which is often embraced by swingers, throuples, and more. There’s dating, there’s exclusivity, there’s moving in together, marriage, let’s get a dog.
In solo polyamory, relationships can be impactful and meaningful without the predefined courses.
Valuing Relationship Diversity
Solo polyamory recognizes that different relationships can fulfill different needs, and there’s no “one size fits all.” Different partners bring different values to the table, its as simple as that.
Transparency
We speak a lot regarding open communication around these parts. That’s because all open relationship styles require it as an essential tenant. That’s no different in solo polyamory where it’s crucial for all parties to communicate their needs, boundaries, and feelings. There must be a mutual understanding between all parties.
Autonomy, diverse connections, and the freedom are at the core of solo polyamory.
The Challenges
The most profound challenge with solo polyamory is navigating feelings of isolation and misunderstandings. These are typical open relationship challenges, but solo polyamory has the added layer of non-commitment to anyone at all.
This concept can get muddled as emotions such as jealousy begin to surface. This often leads people into paranoia. One partner may feel you are prioritizing another relationship even though you’ve agreed that doesn’t happen.
This is where clear and consistent communication is essential. Make sure you consistently communicate feelings and value towards each partner to prevent any one from feeling isolated.
Another challenge isn’t exclusive to solo polyamory, at least not in the sense of an open relationship style, and that’s societal pressures. Like any open relationship, solo polyamory isn’t the norm and therefore, society often pushes back.
Read our how to tell friends and family your in an swinger relationship guide to learn more about how to navigate this challenge.
Conclusion
Solo polyamory is a reaffirmation of value and validity across a number of relationships. In solo polyamory, autonomy and freedom are the core values. But like any open relationship, communication and transparency are musts.