This article’s title might feel like a red flag. Let’s be direct from the start. This isn’t about saving relationships with narrow-minded people. If someone acts like a bigot the moment they hear about your swinger lifestyle, it may be best to let them go their own way.
We’re focusing on friends or family who are genuinely confused. They just aren’t used to the idea of open relationship dating. That’s fair enough. The media has often painted our lifestyle in a caricatured way, or it highlights only the most sexually charged examples.
Sometimes, people are simply puzzled and need some help understanding. That’s what this is about. Let’s look at a few reasons why friends might feel a bit uneasy when they learn you’re a swinger, and what you can do about it.
They See It as an Excuse to Cheat
Your friends might care about both you and your partner. If they suspect one of you is just looking for a “hall pass” to cheat, they could worry that one partner has been pushed into a situation they aren’t keen on. Friends might even feel protective of the person they believe could be hurt.
The best way to settle this is for both partners to show genuine excitement about the lifestyle. When your friends see that you’re both in it together, they’ll realise this isn’t about hidden agendas but rather a mutual choice.
They Worry You’ll Harm Your Reputation in the Community
It’s not always offensive if friends worry about your reputation. They might be concerned that your private choices could affect your career or social standing.
The best way to ease this worry is to show that your personal life doesn’t need to spill over into public settings. Make it clear that you manage your lifestyle with privacy and respect. If it’s a small community, let them know you’re not out to make waves. You’re just choosing a different type of relationship. Consistency in how you carry yourself, both in private and public, can go a long way towards soothing fears.
They Share the Desire to Experience Multiple Partners
This is a twist many don’t consider.
Sometimes friends struggle because they’re intrigued by swinging themselves. They might ask loads of questions and show curiosity. If only one of them in a couple is interested, the other partner could see you as a “bad influence.”
It’s best to handle these chats gently. You can share your experiences without urging or putting them off. Stay neutral. Mention the highs and the lows of swinging. People need honesty, not just the glossy side. This helps them make informed decisions without blaming you later on if it doesn’t suit them.
They May Have a Partner Who Turns on You
Some friends’ partners could react poorly if they learn you’re part of the swinging world. They might see it as cheating or manipulation. Mainstream portrayals can paint swinging as a wild, anything-goes lifestyle.
It’s not easy to address these fears, but exposure can help. If the sceptical partner meets you in a calm, normal setting and realises you’re a couple who happens to choose a different lifestyle, it can change their perspective. You can explain your boundaries and show how both partners’ happiness matters to you. That can ease their concern and help them see swinging is more about connection and choice than reckless abandon.
Closing Thoughts
These concerns are normal when people don’t fully understand the swinger lifestyle. Communication is key. Your friends and family might just need a bit of reassurance that your lifestyle choice isn’t dangerous, forced, or immoral. Remember, it’s always your choice how much effort you invest in helping them see the reality of swinging. If they’re genuinely open-minded, a calm, honest discussion can go a long way.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.