The world of open relationships is often misinterpreted, with one of the most common misconceptions being that an open relationship or swinger lifestyle grants a free pass to cheat. Nothing could be further from the truth. While the concept of exclusivity might be more nuanced in such arrangements, it certainly doesn’t mean that the open relationship label eliminates the potential for infidelity.
This raises an important question: Is micro-cheating—usually seen as minor, seemingly harmless acts of infidelity—relevant within open relationships? And if it is, how do couples manage the often uncharted territory of emotional exclusivity?
What is Micro-Cheating?
It’s the hot new relationship buzzword: micro-cheating.
Micro-cheating refers to those small, seemingly insignificant behaviors that might indicate a romantic interest outside your primary relationship. Often described as cheating in a grey area, it’s not as overt as traditional cheating, which typically involves a physical or explicit emotional connection. However, micro-cheating is more subtle and can still leave a primary partner feeling betrayed.
So, what does micro-cheating look like?
Liking or commenting on someone’s social media posts—particularly if there’s a romantic undertone—can be considered micro-cheating.
Secret messaging is another classic example. Regularly texting or chatting with someone outside your relationship, especially in a flirtatious manner, definitely falls into this category.
Confiding in someone else about personal or emotional issues that you don’t share with your primary partner is also a common form of micro-cheating.
Then there’s flirting at work events—an uber-popular form of micro-cheating that often flies under the radar.
As you can see, the line between micro-cheating and simply living life can appear a bit blurry. However, it’s the intentions behind the social interactions and the undertones of the relationships that determine whether these behaviors qualify as micro-cheating.
So how would micro-cheating apply to open relationships?
Common Forms of Micro-Cheating in Open Relationships
In open relationships, where physical relationships outside the primary partner are often acceptable, identifying micro-cheating can feel complex.
But really, folks, it’s not.
Even though an open relationship offers a more flexible perspective on relationships, it isn’t a free pass to do whatever, whenever, with whoever. Many behaviors can still blur the lines of trust and emotional exclusivity in an open relationship.
Secretive Communications
This is likely the most pervasive form of micro-cheating in an open relationship. That’s because in most open relationships, while physical exploration may be permitted, emotional ones typically aren’t.
It’s usually agreed upon that partners won’t maintain ongoing communications outside of the physical connection. When a partner keeps that communication secret, it compromises transparency, and that’s a micro-cheat.
Social Media Interactions
Engaging with someone on social media—such as liking, commenting, or direct messaging—can be another subtle form of micro-cheating, especially if these interactions carry a romantic or flirtatious undertone. In an open relationship, these actions might seem harmless, but if they’re done in a secretive or excessive manner, they can signal an emotional connection that feels inappropriate to the primary partner.
Prioritizing Secondary Partners
When one partner begins to prioritize a secondary partner’s needs, such as providing emotional support, things can go south. This might look like canceling plans with the primary partner because “the secondary partner needs them.” This kind of behavior can undermine the primary relationship, leading to feelings of neglect and insecurity.
What Happens When Micro-Cheating Becomes a Problem?
When micro-cheating begins to root in, it can collapse trust and create emotional disconnection. All of that can lead to jealousy and resentment. And then, that can cause the relationship to terminate.
When micro-cheating becomes a problem, some offending partners may gaslight their way through it, accusing the other partner of being “crazy” or “paranoid.”
Partners who feel micro-cheating is becoming an issue need to reevaluate boundaries and agreements as they pertain to the open relationship. This should be done at least once a year even when things are good as a way to prevent any communication breakdowns. Its just good form to make sure you’re always renegotiating the terms that all parties assumed were clear. Assumptions in relationships are never a good thing.
Conclusion
In open relationships, boundaries may be fluid, but they are clear. They are typically clearer than that of a traditional relationship. That doesn’t mean micro cheating can’t or doesn’t occur. Boundaries are boundaries just like in any relationship.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.