Work can feel like a home away from home, and it’s only natural to form friendships there. You spend so much of your day at the office that bits of your personal life are bound to spill into watercooler chats. But if you’re in a swinger relationship, a throuple or any other open relationship structure, things can get complicated in the workplace. People might notice, word can travel, and suspicion can fuel gossip.
In a city as big as London, it can still feel like everyone knows everyone. So you’re left with a question: how do you navigate professional dynamics when you’re in a non-traditional relationship?
Below are some ideas on how to manage these situations, stay in control of your narrative, and find a balance between privacy and authenticity.
The Silent Treatment
One of the most popular ways forward is to say nothing at all. On the surface, this might be the simplest approach. But there are a few downsides.
First, people may still find out through the rumour mill because, let’s face it, it’s a small world and people love to talk.
Second, your relationship structure might be a significant part of your life, and it can be isolating not to share it at all when others are happily chatting about their weekend plans with their partners.
Staying silent can help you dodge some potential workplace drama, but it can also create it. If colleagues start speculating, the gossip can become more dramatic than the truth. Ultimately, it’s a trade-off: you maintain privacy on one hand but might feel left out or even stoke more curiosity on the other.
The Concise Conversation
Another approach is to tell people: straight and simple.
Why concise?
Because the more energy you give a subject, the more fuel it has to spread. If you treat your open relationship as a matter-of-fact detail of your life, others are likely to follow your lead. Relationship structures outside the norm are becoming more common, so you might be surprised at how few eyebrows are raised if you present the information with calm confidence.
Be prepared for questions, and respond with a balanced tone. This shows you’re neither defensive nor ashamed.
Some colleagues might jump to conclusions, like “Isn’t that just cheating?” or “I could never let my husband do that.” Visualise these responses ahead of time so you’re ready with a cool-headed explanation. If you appear defensive, you risk looking uncertain of your choices. Project self-assurance: it goes a long way.
Navigating the Risks
No matter how colleagues discover your open relationship structure, there are some challenges to consider.
Misplaced Advances
Enter Frank from accounting. He’s a likeable enough bloke, but once he hears you’re in a swinger relationship, he might interpret it as an invitation. Some people assume open relationships mean you’re constantly open to sexual escapades, anywhere and with anyone. If you sense this behaviour emerging, set firm boundaries early on.
Judgement from Others
Unfortunately, some people occupy a moral high ground and may see you in a negative light because of your relationship choices. This might even affect your career trajectory. Explaining your lifestyle concisely and confidently can mitigate some of these biases, but not all. This reality drives many swingers to stay under the radar.
Attending Work Social Events
Navigating office socials, team-building days, or happy hours can be an extra challenge if you’re in an open relationship.
Here are a few pointers to help you handle these situations gracefully:
Decide Who You’re Bringing (If Anyone)
Office gatherings sometimes allow plus-ones, but it’s rarely expected for someone to bring multiple partners. You might opt to attend alone or choose just one person to accompany you, depending on the context. There’s no hard rule here; do what feels appropriate and comfortable.
Prepare for Curiosity
Bringing a partner might spark questions: “Where’s your husband?” or “I thought you were dating someone else before?” Keep your answers short and confident. If colleagues sense that you’re relaxed and not treating your situation as a spectacle, they’ll often follow suit.
Stick to Professional Topics
You don’t need to over-explain the logistics of your love life. It’s perfectly fine to talk about work projects, shared interests or even something funny that happened on the commute. Keep the vibe professional yet friendly, just as you would if you were in a monogamous relationship.
Read the Room
If you sense discomfort, there’s no need to force the subject. That doesn’t mean you should hide who you are; just recognise that not everyone is ready to discuss open relationships at length. Take it one step at a time, and let your workplace persona revolve around your skills and experience rather than the personal details of your love life.
Conclusion
Your private life is your own, and it’s perfectly acceptable to keep it that way at work. Many people choose not to reveal various personal aspects of their lives to colleagues. If you do decide to share, keep it concise and carry yourself with confidence to help normalise the conversation. Society’s view of open relationships and swinger dating is evolving, and people might be more familiar than you expect. Ultimately, it’s about balancing your comfort with a sense of authenticity – and finding what works best for you.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.