The digital age has made us more connected than ever before. This increased connectivity has contributed to the growing popularity of various open relationship styles, most notably, the swinging lifestyle.
As a result, many people are now meeting through social media platforms—not just within dedicated communities like our Group Fun swingers community, but also on mainstream platforms such as Instagram and beyond.
This guide will walk you through the do’s and don’ts of sliding into DMs, ensuring that your online interactions foster meaningful connections.
Understanding Social Media Etiquette
First off, Instagram isn’t a dating site, nor is it a swingers’ community. It’s none of that. But, like any social gathering spot, people naturally find ways to connect on deeper levels, whether emotionally or physically. However, because social media platforms aren’t designed as dating sites, it’s crucial to understand the etiquette involved.
Here are some key points to keep in mind:
Respect Personal Boundaries
Just as in the offline, or real world, everyone has their boundaries. Being online doesn’t change that. Before you slide into someone’s DMs, take a moment to consider whether your message is appropriate and respectful.
Avoid using overly suggestive or forward language unless you’re absolutely certain the other person is comfortable with it. Remember, everyone has the right to choose who they interact with.
Be Genuine, Avoid Shallow Flattery
There’s no need to dish out fake compliments. You’re far better off just being yourself.
Comment on a post that genuinely interests you or ask a thoughtful question about something they’ve shared. This approach shows that you’re interested in more than just their appearance and that you’re paying attention to what they have to say. Empty flattery can often come across as insincere, so it’s best to keep it real.
Stay Polite, Stay Light
You don’t want to come on too strong right away. There’s no need to dive into deep topics like politics or the mysteries of the universe on your initial contact. A simple “Hi” and “I noticed your post about…” is a good way to start. Focus on building rapport before getting into anything too deep.
Don’t Rush
Patience is key when building any connection, whether online or in person. After sending your message, resist the urge to follow up too soon. Give them some time. If they don’t reply immediately, avoid sending multiple follow-up messages—you might come across as a bit too eager, which can be off-putting.
Prepare for Rejection
Not every DM will lead to a connection, and that’s perfectly okay. If someone isn’t interested or doesn’t respond, take it in stride. Don’t push for a response or try to guilt them into replying. It’s important to maintain a positive attitude and move on without any hard feelings.
Transitioning from Online to Offline
One of the most difficult things with online connections is transitioning to a real life encounter.
First, don’t rush this and make sure you keep safety as the highest priority. People often use social media and dating sites to scam or even harm people. That said, your first interaction should be in a public place. And you should always let some friends know where you’re going. Moreover, check in with those friends during your first meet.
Here are some more points:
Establish Mutual Interest and Comfort
- Before suggesting an in-person meeting, ensure that both parties are equally interested and comfortable with the idea. Gauge their enthusiasm for taking the next step by subtly hinting at a potential meet-up and seeing how they respond. It’s important to feel confident that the interest is mutual to avoid any awkward or pressured situations.
Choose a Safe, Neutral Location
- This can’t be said enough. When planning the first in-person meeting, opt for a well-populated, neutral location, such as a café, restaurant, or park. Avoid private or secluded areas for the initial encounter. A public place not only ensures safety but also provides a comfortable environment where both parties can interact without feeling vulnerable.
Set Clear Expectations
- Discuss and agree on the nature and length of the first meeting. Whether it’s a quick coffee or a casual lunch, setting expectations can help reduce any potential anxiety and ensure that both parties are on the same page. This also helps prevent any misunderstandings about the purpose of the meeting.
Maintain Open Communication
- Keep the lines of communication open leading up to the meeting. Confirm the time and place, and make sure both parties feel comfortable with the plan. If either person feels unsure or wants to reschedule, it’s important to respect that decision. Clear communication helps build trust and ensures that the transition to offline is as smooth as possible.
Have a Backup Plan
- It’s always wise to have a backup plan in case things don’t go as expected. This could include having a friend nearby who can check in or having a pre-arranged signal for ending the meeting early if necessary. A backup plan provides a sense of security and can help you feel more at ease during the encounter.
Consider a Group Meet-Up
- If you’re not entirely comfortable meeting one-on-one, suggest a group activity where you can bring along a friend or join a social event. This can alleviate some of the pressure and provide a safer environment for the first meeting. It also offers a more casual setting where you can get to know each other without the intensity of a one-on-one encounter.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.