The holidays are hurtling towards us at full speed. There’s no stopping them now. The high streets are packed (who thought we’d see them buzzing again?), and online deals are everywhere this week – it’s complete chaos. While most people are busy figuring out what to get their one partner or a sibling, swingers have a whole different set of challenges to work through. Good challenges, mind you, but challenges all the same.
As swingers, how do we navigate the holidays? Who’s coming round for Christmas Eve dinner? Which New Year’s Eve bash will you and yours head to? And let’s not forget the big questions: who might feel left out by your plans, and who should you be buying gifts for?
Let’s take the stress out of the season as much as possible, so you can focus on enjoying the holidays with your partners and making memories that count.
Look, to be clear, things can fall apart whether you are swingers or not.
Let’s not kid ourselves – pretending that swinging doesn’t come with a few extra complications during the holidays would be naïve. Having multiple partners can bring plenty of joy, but as the festive season approaches, it can also introduce a bit of stress. The holidays – especially Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Eve – are all about gathering, giving, and connecting. But when you’re navigating relationships with more than one partner, it raises a few tricky questions: who do you gather with, give to, and connect with?
These are big questions, no doubt about it. But don’t worry – we’re here to help you figure it all out.
But…
Your first allegiance is to your primary partner. So let’s begin there.
Prioritising Your Primary Partner During the Festive Season
You’ve got a few partners. That’s brilliant. And fun.
But…
Your first loyalty should always be to your primary partner. Prioritising them over the holidays isn’t just thoughtful – it’s essential. The festive season is a time for coming together, reflecting on the year gone by, and cherishing the relationship you’ve built.
So, how do you do that? Start by making plans that revolve around your primary partner’s preferences. Maybe it’s a cosy Christmas Eve just the two of you, complete with mince pies and a cheesy holiday film. Or perhaps it’s a romantic walk through the Christmas markets. Whatever it is, it’s about making sure they feel valued and central to your life.
It’s also worth ensuring they’re involved in any broader plans you’re making. Even if they’re not the organising type, keeping them in the loop shows respect and consideration – and it goes a long way towards avoiding misunderstandings.
Remember, the holidays can be a busy time for everyone, but carving out intentional moments with your primary partner ensures they feel special amidst the whirlwind.
Managing Time and Expectations with Multiple Partners
Sorting out your schedule will quickly become your most important task as the holidays approach. Luckily for us in the UK, we don’t have Thanksgiving to add to the chaos, but this time of year still demands a good plan to get through the weeks ahead.
If you’re in the swinging lifestyle, you already know that time management is a constant juggling act. The holidays, though, can raise the stakes. It’s crucial to map out who you’ll see, when, and how to manage expectations.
Start by getting ahead of the game. Decide early how you want to celebrate and with whom. For example:
- An inclusive gathering: Perhaps you’re planning a Christmas Eve dinner where all partners who know each other are invited. If so, get those invitations out as soon as possible to give everyone time to plan.
- Individual celebrations: If your partners don’t know or don’t get along with each other, separate meet-ups might be the way to go. Just be mindful of how the timing plays out. Seeing one partner on a major holiday like Christmas Eve and another on a random Tuesday could inadvertently cause hurt feelings if it becomes known.
It’s also worth being honest about your availability. Let your partners know your priorities and limitations – clarity can save you from unnecessary drama later.
Gift-Giving Etiquette: Who Gets What?
And now for the part that can trip up even the most organised among us: gifts.
Figuring out who gets a present (and what to give) can be stressful for anyone, but it’s especially tricky when you’ve got multiple partners to consider. There’s no one-size-fits-all rule, but here are some tips to make the process less awkward:
- Be consistent: If you’re planning to give gifts to your non-primary partners, make sure you’re treating everyone equally. That doesn’t mean identical presents, but try to stay in a similar price range. For example, giving one partner a heartfelt keepsake and another a box of generic chocolates might send the wrong message.
- Keep it thoughtful but appropriate: Gifts for non-primary partners don’t need to break the bank. Think along the lines of something personal but not overly sentimental – maybe a book they mentioned wanting to read, or a playful token that reflects an inside joke.
- Communicate with your primary partner: Whether your primary partner is actively involved in gift-giving decisions or prefers to stay hands-off, keeping them informed is crucial. Surprises are great – but finding out you’ve sent a romantic or overly intimate gift to someone else without discussing it first can lead to misunderstandings.
- Avoid awkwardness: If you’re leaning towards a romantic or erotic gift, make sure it’s suitable for the relationship dynamic you share with that partner. The last thing you want is for anyone to feel uncomfortable or for your intentions to be misconstrued.
Finally, remember that it’s the thought that counts. Whether you’re gifting something small or more elaborate, a well-chosen present can strengthen connections and spread a bit of holiday cheer.
Charles Lace is a distinguished UK-based writer, born in 1975 in Brighton, who has become a prominent voice in the open relationship and swinger communities. His passion for exploring and documenting alternative lifestyles, particularly in the UK, has made him a well-known figure in these circles.
After studying Creative Writing at the University of East Anglia, Lace began his career as a freelance journalist for London newspapers. In his late 20s, he found his niche writing about non-monogamous relationships and the swinger lifestyle. His breakthrough came in 2005 with the publication of “Open Hearts, Open Doors: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy,” which became an unexpected bestseller in its niche.
Known for his frank yet sensitive approach, Lace’s writing style combines personal anecdotes with well-researched information and expert interviews. He regularly contributes to various swinger publications, most notably through his column in “Lifestyle Horizons,” a popular UK-based magazine for the swinger and polyamorous communities.